


Fluffy Humorous How they Get Together Just Read It Okay? There will be SMUT

by mdaoust245



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Alternate Universe - Trans, Bullying, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Fluffy Ending, Happy, Happy Ending, Happy Sex, I Blame Tumblr, I Don't Even Know, I Ship It, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, Trans, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2019-07-25 14:14:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16199198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mdaoust245/pseuds/mdaoust245
Summary: Cloud is used to being bullied. But when he is forced to ask Sephiroth on a date, his life takes an unexpected turn...





	1. Part 1

Cloud Strife was used to being picked on. He just wasn't used to people being so adept at it. The Soldiers were, to be fair,supposed to be (handsome!) intelligent muscular beings. Superior beings.  
Well, it hadn't taken them long to notice that Cloud was ogling the general. A thing they seemed to find hilarious.  
The picking had, mercifully, been just that. Picking. Until today, that is. The general's presence had a tendency to bring out both the best in the Soldiers – and the worst.  
“Go ask him,” crooned the big bad piece of beefsteak who was wrapping an arm around Cloud's neck.  
“Nnh,” whimpered Cloud, wholly unsure of how this was going to go down.  
Because just around the corner of the barracks was the General Sephiroth having a languid conversation with Zack Fair who was, by all means, supposed to be supervising things. But as usual, rules sort of flew out the window when the General was present and no supervising was happening at all.  
A knuckle rubbed painfully down on Cloud's head. “DO it!” chuckled the beefcake. The three other monstrously beefed Soldiers around Cloud sniggered as well.  
Cloud sensibly knew that he'd practically be dead if he did what they asked him. But then again – what sort of punishment did these goons have reserved for him? They had started recently to jokingly slap Cloud's butt- a thing that Cloud was guessing boded no good. But was bending to their jokes really the solution?  
Another nuggie on the head and Cloud tried for the umpteenth time to squirm free. To his shock he did free himself – only to stumble straight out from the safety of the corner.  
Sniggers erupted from the now so far away corner. Not-sniggers erupted from the several people just a dozen feet away. In fact,Zack turned and was all “Hey?”  
Cloud froze. What to do? There was the corner he could duck behind- and return to the goons. Or there was the – the – the general who was conspicuously Not Alone.  
Oh gawds. Holy Chocobo Poop. There was, indeed, Zack Fair, but there was also The Genesis, The Angeal, and then, well,Cloud gulped and didn't even dare look at the green-eyed General.  
The one who always kept to himself. The one who had this aura of mystery and majesty to him.  
That's it. Cloud made to go back into the corridor beside the goons, but one of them just had this expectant grin – and a bulge in his pants.  
It made Cloud hesitate.  
“Just- what is it?” sighed Zack. “What's going on?”  
Cloud, lips pressed together, turned to face the little group that was awfully quiet. The safer option, he told himself. Brief humiliation - albeit severe – and they would let him go.  
He dragged his feet as he walked the few steps towards them. He couldn't pick his eyes up from the floor or believe that he was really doing what he was doing. Heart pounding in his throat, he stopped next to the group.  
And a) he did not salute. It, as the barely audible sniggers attested to, was essential to the plan. He had to not salute. Because, you know, breaking rules was fun.  
b) he had to look the General in the eye.  
c) heart pounding, chest rising and falling so rapidly, he had to ask - “Would you go on a date with me?”  
Zack smacked a palm over his own face. The General's green eyes looked left then right. Angeal frowned. Genesis was mercifully out of Cloud's tunnelling vision.  
And d? He had to stay here and wait until he got a clear Yes or No. He couldn't just takeoff and run.  
The moment dragged on. Everyone just seemed frozen. Or at least, the General was and no one else was daring to speak. The General who kept looking around as if expecting some sort of explanation.  
Finally, Zack piped up. “You know- you should at least salute -,”  
There was a burst of laughter, promptly stifled, from beyond the corner. Again, a puzzled expression crossed the General's face.  
“What is-” sighed Zack, running a hand through his messy spikes.  
“Yes,” said the General suddenly. “I would go on a date with you.”  
Cloud gawked. He mistakenly looked at the General. The General, looking ultimately displeased, gave him some sort of smile. A vicious, peculiar smile.  
Cloud turned and ran. He just bolted. He rounded the corner in a skidd and raced past everyone who promptly began running away with him, laughing so hard it was a wonder they could run at all.  
///  
“What was that?” asked Zack to nobody in particular. Actually, well, everyone knew who he was talking to,but Sephiroth was pretending he didn't know.  
“Hm?” the General hummed, looking left and right as if blameless.  
“You just-” Zack waved his arms and guppied.  
“Calm down,” Angeal placed a heavy hand on Zack's shoulder to calm him.  
Sephiroth was nonplussed. “It was obviously a prank. There was nothing to it.”  
Zackfairly exploded. In any case, his arms started windmilling around him. “But you just – you said you would date a cadet! A CADET Sephiroth!”  
“Oh calm down,” hummed Sephiroth, flipping nonchalantly through his notepad. “It was just a prank. It's not as if he has my number.”  
At that Zack suddenly calmed down. “Oh,” he said.  
“But you still said yes,” crooned Genesis.  
“M-hmm,” Sephiroth hummed while still looking at his pad.  
“He was kind of cute,” sneered Genesis, leaning across Angeal to Sephiroth.  
“I hope he's not getting picked on,” frowned Zack, in a completely different train of thought.  
“You thought he was cute,” insisted Genesis, poking at Sephiroth. “Admit it!”  
Sephiroth nonchalantly shoved Genesis away. “We still have things to do. Come along now, let's get back to it.”  
///


	2. Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud tries to get Sephiroth's contact number...

“So he said yes,” was what the biggest goof of them all had to say.   
“Y-yes,” stuttered Cloud from the corner he was backed into by the five beefy guys.  
“Hmm,” they mused. They looked at each other. They obviously had not been expecting this.  
Cloud thought that he would finally be off the hook. Maybe, just maybe, he had done the right choice...  
That is, until a gleam came to the big goon's eye. “Well cutie, I guess that means you've got to get his number now.”  
Cloud's jaw struck the floor.  
////

Sephiroth was enjoying what he would call a 'convivial' day. A pleasant day, in layman's terms. Monsters had been dealt with in time to offer a quick coffee break and now – paperwork. A greater monster than most. But it was still doable in plenty of time, and so he sat in his office and typed and typed.  
At about ten past one, there was a loud knock on the door. Sharp, impatient, abrupt. Must be Genesis.   
“Come in,” he intoned.  
Instantly, there was the sound of feet running away. What the-? Sephiroth paused, realizing that that most certainly wasn't Genesis or his fan club (they never ran away, they only flocked).  
Then, the door eeked open. Sephiroth's heart smashed down somewhere onto the floor tiles as a certain blush-faced blonde walked in.  
The door shut behind Cloud. He stared atSephiroth's desk.  
Oh no, thought Sephiroth, dreading what he was sure was inevitable. So he, being a tactician, tried to deflect the problem.  
“How did you get into this building?” he asked in his most severe tone. Hopefully if he was intimidating the young twerp wouldn't ask his stupid question this time. Little did Sephiroth know how intimidating he already was.  
“Zack left his keycard lying around,” mumbled Cloud, eyes still glued on the table.  
Of course, the general thought while rolling his eyes. Of frickin' course. Well, again, strategy! “Well, unless you are here on official business,you should leave.”  
There! Hah! The cadet's eyes turned large and owlishly cute as he stared at the General. Sephiroth's lips quirked into a smile. “Are you here on official business?” he taunted, savoring his victory.  
“No sir,” squeaked the cadet.  
“Then you should leave,” smirked the General.  
And usually, most people would have run away with their tail between their legs. The cadet's knees seemed to buckle a little and he half-turned to the door.   
But then something peculiar happened. A little spark came over him. The cadet drew himself up and looked at Sephiroth. “Can I have your contact first sir?”  
Sephiroth startled at this chocobo-like pluckiness. “You want what?” Goddess, this couldn't be happening!  
Now it was the cadet's turn to smile, somewhat sheepishly. “You contact information, sir.” Then, in a mumble “You said you would go on a date with me.”  
Sephiroth blanched. He felt the stillness of the moment weighing down on him. He was loathe to take his own word lightly. When he said something, he meant it. So... he tried to distract. “I said I would, not that I will. Are you being bullied, cadet? Why is this happening?”  
The cadet pressed his lips together. “That's my own problem,” he said stiffly. “And I'm pretty sure you said you would go on a date with me, sir.”  
'Sir' was nowhere near pleased. 'Sir' took a paper off his notepad and scrawled swiftly on it. Then, feeling savage, he held it up. “You have five seconds to memorize this, and that's it,” he growled. “Five, four,”  
Cloud's eyes grew wide and he was staring at that paper for all he was worth.  
“Three, two,”  
a look of determination came over the cadet. He pressed his lips together.  
“One, zero,” Sephiroth crumpled up the note and tossed it into the garbage under his desk. “Now you're going to walk out of here and tell whoever is putting you up to this that no, you didn't get my number because I haven't given it to you. And if I so happen to get one ridiculous email from some random soldier, then I, will, be seeing you. Is that clear?”  
Cloud gulped and nodded. Sephiroth pointed to the door. “Out.”  
Out Cloud went. The door shut behind him with a clap and Sephiroth was alone.  
With a sigh Sephiroth slumped and rubbed his face with both hands. Then, groaning and dragging his fingers down his cheeks, he glared at the door.  
“Stupid cadet,” he mumbled, realizing he would have to make sure none of his coworkers found out that, indeed, he'd exchanged numbers with a cadet.  
Well, technically, Sephiroth had given the cadet his number, and not vice versa. So-o, it wasn't an exchange. And he didn't give it, he showed it.  
Yes, Sephiroth thought while nodding to himself. It sort of sounded better that way. And besides, it didn't mean that the cadet would contact him – much less that the date would happen.  
Yes, yes, he told himself. No one would know and nothing would come of it.  
///


	3. Pretzels Happen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I baked Home-made pretzels y'all, and that was absolutely the inspiration for this part. Like - does anyone know how good those things are? They're enough to bring frenemies together ;)

Cloud sat on the toilet (fully clothed,not doing anything) with his feet propped up on the stall door. Hopefully that meant he would have a few minutes of quiet.  
Gingerly, he tapped away at his tablet.  
Dear Sephiroth  
Damn, that sounded weird. Perhaps... Dear Sephiroth Sir.  
Cloud frowned at it. Still weird. What was he supposed to say? Tap, tap, tap, he erased all that. Then, with a smirk, he began typing “This is NOT a weird email” in the subject bar.  
For a minute, he grinned and looked at the blank email. Maybe if he just wrote out everything he had on his mind and sorted it out, he could then make it all sensible.  
But what if it sent mid-way? That would be a weird email. Carefully, Cloud deleted everything just in case until he had a pristinely blank email again.  
Okay, he took a breath.  
General Sephiroth, Sir,  
A-and he blanked. What to say?   
It was only a day after that peculiar meeting, but Cloud didn't want to waste any time. He wanted to meet the General. He wanted... what?   
Cloud blushed as a zillion lust-induced fantasies burst into his mind. All of which were probably flukes of genetics. Cloud was sure that somewhere in his bloodline was a merging with … whatever creature was terribly submissive and squeaked when in danger. Chickens? Oppossums?   
Whatever he was blood-crossed with,it certainly wasn't date material for the Great General.  
With a huff, he turned off his tablet. That's it. This was a stupid idea. The only plausible outcome of a 'date' with the general was a … glaring contest and a severe lecture on morals or ethics or something.

///

Day Three. Today was Day Three after giving his number away- or rather NOT giving it away, to speak the literal truth, and Sephiroth was proud to say that a) no spam or porn of an unusual amount had been sent to him, and b) no message from the cadet either! He considered it a win!  
Ah! Sweet victory! Sephiroth sprawled in his office chair,kicked his feet up on the edge of the counter, and sipped at his sweet yet bitterly strong cup of coffee (to tell the truth it was an awful concoction but it was cheap). With one hand, Sephiroth reached out and turned on his screen. Doodling around on his computer, he checked his email with a vicious pleasure.  
There was an email about a monster insurgence, a necessary press interview, and – he clicked on a mysterious email with a frown. Some fan mail that had gotten out of the spam box maybe? Sephiroth flicked his eyes up and down the scant email.  
The title was 'HEY'. And the body of the text was … "Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my email, so message me maybe?"  
Sephiroth set down his coffee, most unpleased.

//////

Cloud woke up with his tablet in his lap. He didn't check it as he had to rush to get ready for the day. He even forgot that he had been, again, typing an imaginary letter to Sephiroth that he never intended to send.  
He was, therefore, quite shocked to open it later during official 'check your emails' hour and find that he had received an email. From the General.  
It read:"Not amusing."

And that was it. Beneath it was the official tagline of the General's professional email.  
Oh. Chocobo poop. Cloud scrolled and read, below, the email that he must have sent while rolling over in his sleep. It was only one of his most ridiculous attempts at an email.  
“Hey what's up?” Zack piped up as he seemingly appeared next to Cloud.  
With a yell Cloud closed the webpage.  
Zack looked from the red-faced Cloud to the empty screen. “What?” Then his confusion cleared with a grin. “Is there a porn bot going around again?”  
Cloud shame-facedly nodded, glad for the excuse.  
Chuckling, Zack shook his head. “Don't worry, they're seasonal. Just delete them and don't click any links okay?”  
Cloud nodded. Zack moved on.But unfortunately several other people had noticed himjumping.  
“Got porn? Really?” asked goon A while the usual five crowded Cloud into a corner.  
“Funny, you're the only one who got some,” crooned goon B while picking at his nails.  
“Is it your girlfriend?” goon A sneered. “Show us!”  
“N-no,” mumbled Cloud. “Besides, I deleted it.”  
“You can always retrieve deleted emails,” crooned the goon A. 

/////  
Sephiroth was actually surprised when the dumb email arrived. He was just walking off a recent monster attack, nose in his tablet and updating the status of the attack to 'done' when the email !Ding! Arrived.  
The subject line kind of gave it away: I WANT U TO SUCK MY DICK  
Oh really? How amusing. Like hell that would happen, the General thought most grumpily. With a vicious impulse, he opened the email and began reading it.  
Why did he even bother? It was all savage porn-esque stupidity, full of sentences that really didn't end and had no adjectives. It was,predictably, what happened when a bunch of mako-infused beefcakes cishets were given a superior male's email. Especially if said superior was good-looking and feminine in the slightest way.  
Cursing the heteronormativity of it all, Sephiroth scrolled down to the bottom, where there was even a snapped picture of the young cadet,obviously looking horrified and off screen at whoever was making this happen.   
“Uh, General Sephiroth sir?” piped up a small voice.  
General Sephiroth sir turned, clicking his screen off as fast as possible. A short pipsqueak of a lieutenant was looking athim. And pointing behind them. “The helicopter is that way, sir.”  
Cursing, he stomped towards the helicopter.

/////  
Cloud couldn't believe the next few days. Break was approaching, and nothing strange had happened. Sure, there was no email from Sephiroth, none at all, but what was he expecting? Some “are you okay?” email? No, he should just be happy that no hellfire had come raining down.   
Zack was even cheerful when he wished them a good time on their one-day break.  
And then, Cloud found himself out of the base, trying to guess where in town he could avoid everyone at. Obviously the bars were to be avoided. The nice parks, the shops with the geekery that the soldiers might want to collect... Cloud found himself worrying that he would be too conspicuous in his jean and t-shirt and jacket. He just,he wanted to vanish.   
Then, he rounded a corner – and just about walked into someone. Someone tall and dressed in black,with flashing green eyes. Sephiroth.  
Cloud almost whirled around and ran- but it was too late! His momentum already moving him forward, he ducked to the side and lifted his arm to shield his head from any gaze and hoped to hell that Sephiroth hadn't recognized him.  
But their eyes had connected. In a snap a hand grabbed hold of Cloud's elbow. Cloud froze. His arm was twisted so his hand was lifted away from his face. Cloud stared down at the sidewalk.  
“You,” intoned the General.  
Cloud pressed his lips together. His elbow was released. He lowered his arm and managed a look up. It was a terrifying sight. Sephiroth was glaring down,obviously unpleased. But, to Cloud's surprise, the General wasn't in his usual uniform. Instead,he was wearing a turtlenecked knit shirt against the fall chill, and a pair of jeans.His long hair was tied back in a low braid.  
“I'm sorry,” Cloud mumbled.  
“Good,” said Sephiroth. Then, looking down, he held out a paper bag between them. “Pretzel? Have one.”  
Cloud's jaw slackened in shock. He stared down at the paper bag, then back up at the general. The bag was held out. “Have one. They're not poisoned.”  
A pretzel? Gingerly, Cloud put his hand into the bag,and indeed, drew out a pretzel. “Thanks,” he mumbled, looking down at the soft and salted brown thing.  
“Good. Walk with me,” said the General with a smirk.

///


	4. For Zephyr_Nyx

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter goes out to Zephyr_Nyx who left me the best comment when I was feeling down :) thank you very much!

Sephiroth didn't have a plan. He never planned to meet anyone when he came here on his secretive pretzel hunt. He liked the anonymity of this quiet little suburban neighborhood, and how he could just come and go as he pleased without being recognized.  
And yet, he couldn't just let the cadet walk away without a lecture,could he?Something about that made him smile, or smirk some would say.  
“Are you having trouble, cadet?” he asked as they walked across the street and onto another sidewalk that was all cozy little storefronts.  
“Yes sir,” mumbled the cadet.  
“And what do you plan to do about that?” he asked coolly, pointedly not mentioning the stupid porno email.   
“I, I don't know sir,” Cloud mumbled.  
Sephiroth pointedly looked at Cloud. “If you don't stop it, it won't stop. Is that clear?”  
Cloud pressed his lips together. “Yes, sir.”  
“Good,” said Sephiroth. And, he was about to say, straight ahead is the fastest way back to the barrack. Go and think things over.   
But Cloud piped up,voice soft. “Why did you say you would go on a date with me?”  
Sephiroth seemed slightly taken aback. “Because,” he said slowly, in measured tones. “It seemed obvious to me that you were being bullied and I was trying to think of a way to help.”  
“Oh,” said Cloud so very quietly.  
“You should know that it's quite frowned upon for a senior to date a cadet.” Sephiroth said primly.  
“But what if I wasn't?” whispered Cloud.  
Sephiroth frowned. “What do you mean?”  
Cloud looked up bravely, a little bit of that chocobo spunk coming through. “What if I was a civilian? Or if I fail the tests? I'm not doing so good,and I guess it's obvious.”  
Sephiroth bit his cheek, trying to think of a way not to answer.  
“Would you, really, date me?”  
Sephiroth cleared his throat, looking away. Then, mind made up officially, he gave the cadet a composed look. “If you pass, I'm sure you'll make an excellent Soldier. So you should focus on that.”  
Cloud ducked his head,nodding. “You're so polite. Thanks,” he mumbled.  
Sephiroth's heart wrung. He felt terrible at the obvious misery on the cadet's face. Gulping, Sephiroth tried to make things better. Somehow...but he didn't know how. He couldn't admit to the cadet that he was adorable, handsome in a gentle way. That would surely cause nothing but problems. Besides, Sephiroth had already given up on dating years ago.  
So no, he decided, no comfort for the cadet. Digest those feelings. “If you continue straight you'll get to the base. Good luck, cadet.”  
And, as quickly as possible, Sephiroth turned away onto a side street. It was almost fast enough for him not to hear “My name is Cloud.”  
He wished he hadn't heard that.

///  
What with knowing the cadet's name and contact information, Sephiroth had free stalking reign on him. He could follow his progress like a bug on Zack's screen, aware of every clocked-in occurrence. It was horrible.  
“Why do I care?” groaned Sephiroth when, for the umpeenth time, he checked the cadet's physical stats in comparison with his peers. The cadet was definitely progressing. He wasn't the base bottom, instead he was lower grade, okay significantly lower grade, middle. But middle nonetheless. Just barely.   
Why Sephiroth felt the need to continue contact was beyond him. Bewildering. Inconceivable. Ridiculous. The words to describe this seemed infinite.   
Sephiroth, practically laying across his desk with his chin in his palm, glared at the screen. The stupid 'Cloud' was stuck on his mind.  
Because Cloud was cute. Cloud was charming. Cloud had now successfully invaded the General's midnight fantasies. A thing that the General was continuously warring against, but failing at controlling. The plucky little cadet was just... so plucky. So determined. It showed in any surveilled video clip Sephiroth had gotten a hold of. Cloud was trying, and he was trying damned hard.  
It was unfortunately that plucky side that the General could not stop fantacizing about. In his late night slip-ups, he thought of how adorably feisty the young cadet must be in bed. He wondered what that soft skin would feel like. How the mako injections would change the body,help it develop... or would Cloud keep his androgynous and slightly feminine appearance?  
Sephiroth found himself, first, knowing the date that the cadets would receive their injections. Then,he found himself worrying. What if the cadet didn't pass? Shattered dreams, for sure. But then – would he repeat his date proposal?  
It made Sephiroth gnaw his fingernails when he was alone. The problem was that he really wanted that date, but knew he couldn't have it. So instead he worried.  
The injection day came,and went. Sephiroth kept checking the updates on Cloud's file. Then, at midday three days later, Zack changed the status from 'normal' to 'not well'.  
Sephiroth's stomach vanished. Complications from mako were terrible. How had he not worried about this? Of course it could not 'catch', but it could also go terribly wrong!  
For a moment, the General hesitated. But then he shoved his pride aside. He was just going to check up on the cadet. Just monitor the situation. It was his job as a superior, in a way.  
So, mid-way to a meeting, he typed a short email. Then, putting his phone back into his pocket, he breathed a sigh of relief. Somehow, contacting the cadet felt like the right thing to do.  
///

Cloud could hardly believe it when he groggily checked his emails. It was late in the evening and he was still curled up on his side in bed. He had tried all day to get up and function like everyone else was able to, but his knees gave out. Pain laced his veins. Miserable, he had found Zack pointing with a frown back to the bunk. Now, he was about to try and search 'what happens when mako fails'. That and maybe job opportunities for failed soldiers.  
Instead he found a message awaiting him. There was no subject. It was from Sephiroth. His heart flipped. His stomach tied itself in knots.  
He clicked on the message. It was short, punctuated perfectly, and succint.  
You are not well. Tell me what is happening.

And that was it. But it brought a grin to Cloud's face. Grimacing, he propped himself up on a pillow and began typing.  
In lots of pain. Feeling weak.  
Then, after a minute of chewing his lip, he added Thanks for caring.  
And then, with a brief smile, he sent it. There.  
Cloud set his tablet aside, knowing full well that it was probably just some check-up... and then he frowned. Was he about to be dismissed? Well, if it had brought just a little bit more of Sephiroth's attention it would have been worth it, he guessed.  
Then, torn between misery and excitement from the email, he tried to sleep.

///

Sephiroth was dismayed at the shortness of the email. What sort of answer was that? It was even shorter, in essence, than what Sephiroth himself had sent!  
He frowned at his tablet, then went to undress into pajamas. Then he ate a snack. Every few seconds from wherever he was, he would glare at the tablet. Over and over, he wrote emails in his mind, deciding choice words. He would scold the cadet. Demand better information. No one sent a general such useless information! Plus, who said he cared? He was merely checking in!   
And then he sat down on the couch. Words flew out of his mind. His strict and stern plan crumbled around him. Maybe...  
Hey, mako can be hard. Hang in there.  
And he sent it. What else was there to say? There was nothing else, really, to say.  
But then, almost instantly, an email binged in.  
Somehow, that brought a grin to Sephiroth's face.  
I'm trying really hard. I'm not going to give up but I can't control what the mako does. I just hope it works out ok.  
Sephiroth, not noticing his own smile, typed back.  
///  
Cloud couldn't believe it. In the haze of pain, in all his grogginess and grump, Sephiroth was answering his emails.  
Don't worry, it will turn out fine, I'm sure. You've done great progress. Keep up the hard work.  
And it could have ended there. Cloud had a slight inkling that it should. But he didn't want it to, and something tugged him along.   
Thanks. How are things for you? Your pretzel was great by the way. What do they put in those things?  
Grinning, Cloud waited. Moments ticked by without answer. Slowly, he realized that something was different. Had he crossed a line by trying to extend the conversation? It seemed like so.  
And then, an answer popped in. He propped himself up again, so excited he almost didn't notice the shoots of pain from the change in position.  
I don't know about the pretzels. Bakeries are as tight-lipped as the Turks with their secrets. Here, email is for official business. Here's my phone number. You can text me.  
Cloud almost squealed. Without thinking he twisted and scrambled and reached for his phone at the foot of his bunk. Pain laced his body, but he didn't care. He had Sephiroth's personal number!

///  
It hit Sephiroth when the first message dinged in. He'd done it. He'd opened a floodgate not just for Cloud, but for himself as well.  
It started with a Hey.   
So Sephiroth,biting his lip, answered with a Hey as well.   
This, he decided, was not going far anyways.


	5. MOOOOORE!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Muahaha... so here is some more, my lovelies! Have fun and enjoy! Comments are loved!

“So you look like shit,” was how Genesis approached him on their mission the next day.  
Sephiroth grunted as they crossed the distance towards the helicopter. The fact was, he'd stayed up all night texting the pain-inbued Cloud. The cadet had talked about everything from food to bullying to crepes and cheesecakes. Okay so they mostly talked about food. But Sephiroth had loved every moment of it and had been waiting impatiently for every single witty reply. The cadet, he hated to admit it, was growing on him. Drats.   
Whatever. The cadet was just a cadet and it wasn't anything much more than a simple text conversation. It wasn't forbidden.   
No, the general convinced himself, it had simply been a fluke. See? No more messages from the cadet. It had been a once-off thing.  
Then, just as they were sneaking up on a nest of monsters, his phone dinged.  
“You didn't put your phone on silent?” Genesis roared as five very large monsters roared towards them through the jungle, countless minions in tow.  
“Uh,” grunted Sephiroth as he charged forward, distinctly remembering purposefully leaving his phone on 'noisy' all night so that he would be sure not to miss a message from the cadet. He'd just not realized he'd left it that way.

Countless bloody slaughtered monsters and half an hour later, Sephiroth stepped aside from the mess to check his phone. He hoped it was Cloud. He didn't want it to be Cloud. He purposefully kept facing Genesis and the team so he would see them creeping up on him – just in case it was Cloud's message.... IT WAS! Sephiroth bit back a smile as he tapped on it.  
“Hey, I just woke up, and this is crazy, but I feel so great! Message me maybe?”  
Sephiroth snorted, biting back a grin. Uh, so the cadet had a sense of humor. What should he answer? Roses are red, violets are blue, I just killed monsters, so should you? Nahhh. Uhm...  
“Hey what's that?” barked Genesis. How had he gotten this close? Sephiroth snapped the phone aside, then up, childishly holding it above Genesis' reach while shutting it off. Just as childishly Genesis jumped up and down for it. “Who was it?” the red-haired general squealed, now snatching at the phone with both hands. With every bounce he protested something “Why was your phone even on? You could have gotten us killed! What are you hiding?”  
“Classified,” Sephiroth droned. “Angeal, help.”  
Angeal, shaking his head, strode over from where he'd been watching with the other soldiers. “You two,” he groaned before lifting Genesis up by the waist. “Grab it!”  
“What the?” Sephiroth exclaimed as Genesis snatched the phone out of his grasp. “Hey! Hey!”  
“Victory!” Genesis crowed while Angeal set him down so that Angeal was between them. “Now,” and he fiddled with the screen. “What's your password?” he crowed over Angeal's shoulder.  
Sephiroth crossed his arms, acutely aware of the scene they were causing. Correction: the childish scene they were causing. “What an example you two are. Give me back my -”  
Ba-ding! Another message landed in the phone. Sephiroth blanched, remembering that even with the phone locked, a small preview was visible. Preview which Genesis read, too perplexed to be his usual loudness. “Before you came into my life I – I what?” Genesis's voice reached a dramatic pitch. “Look! Angeal, look!”  
Sephiroth held out his hand patiently. He put on his most serene expression. “I'm sure it's just -”  
BA-ding!  
“You are courteously invited- oh that's from HQ,” Genesis muttered. Sephiroth began marching around Angeal.  
“Give me back my phone,” he growled. Because seriously, he didn't put it past Genesis to fidget his way into Sephiroth's phone. The man had a luck with the dumbest things he shouldn't have – and messing with people's love life-  
Love life?! Sephiroth drew to a halt, blanching.  
“What?” asked Angeal.   
“What?” asked Genesis, poking out from under Angeal's arm. “You're so pale. And that's saying something for you.”  
Sephiroth waved at them in dismissal. “The helicopter is waiting.”  
“We came by bus!” hollered Genesis.  
/////

Love life. Sephiroth had vowed an end to those after some very disastrous endings. Endings which even his adoptive father had noticed.   
“You should maybe not date,” the scientist/adoptive caretaker had wheezed one day while giving Sephiroth one of a zillion injections, back before he was able to give them to himself. Sephiroth hadn't answered, frustrated that the science department had such ears to pick up the slightest commotion his love life caused. But he'd also been so frustrated with himself for having caused a commotion. So-  
Sephiroth glared at his phone. He was in his private apartment, half undressed, phone in hand.  
Alright, he told himself, the only way to solve this is to actually read the message, then scold the cadet if it's romantic.   
Okay, okay. This is the plan. No romance. None at all.  
So Sephiroth opened his phone.  
“Before you came into my life I didn't like pretzels, now I want pretzelllls!” Followed by a laughing smiley face.  
Sephiroth snorted in amusement. “Pretzels are good,” he typed out – then he paused himself.  
Was this romantic? Was this encouraging anything beyond mutual, platonic, and hetero-friendly normative friendship?  
Sephiroth frowned. He was terrible at relationships. Growing up in a lab will do that to you. Growing up... different … will do that to you.  
So he groaned. He was going to have to do something he hated. He was going to have to see... The Love Master.

////

“I'm great, right?” Cloud cheered, sitting on the medical table. “I feel great! I'm so pumped! I feel amazing! Just so good!”  
“Yeah, listen,” Zack said hesitantly, laying a hand on the cadet's jittering shoulder. “You uh, you don't look good.”  
“What?” asked Cloud, jittering a knee. “I feel great!”  
Zack and the young medical intern both took a look at Cloud's bright yellow eyes, and frowned. “I think you're rejecting,” Zack said sternly, giving Cloud what he hoped was a 'comforting and grounding' look.  
Cloud, too jacked on mako to take the hint, shook his head. “No, no, I feel great! I'm sure my stats will be great!”  
Zack flinched. The intern made a 'uh huh' face while turning their back on the situation. They pressed the blood vial into the computer, knowing full well what the result was giong to be.  
“You're rejecting,” the intern said flatly.  
Cloud's jaw dropped. “What?” he croaked out.  
Zack squeezed Cloud's shoulder. “It happens.”   
Cloud's face just dropped as his dreams shattered around him.


	6. The Love Master

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone for the lovely comments! As promised, here is the chapter a little bit earlier than usual, fueled by the lovely comments!

“What ho!” cheered Genesis, flinging open the door to his apartment. The man was wearing a silky deep red bathrobe and hopefully something beneath it. Sultry twang-twang music drifted out, along with the scent of perfumes. Ah, luxury. A thing Sephiroth detested.  
But what Sephiroth detested more was the stupid charades Genesis insisted on keeping up. But he needed help, didn't he? Glaring up at the ceiling, not believing he was doing this, he grumbled “I'm here to see the Love Master.”  
“Eeeee!” Genesis clapped his hands together in glee. “He is ready to meet you! Come in, come in!”  
Holding his breath, Sephiroth stepped into 'the den'.

It was decorated with fake jewels, deep lush colors, and that persistent stench of perfume everywhere. Oh, and to make matters worse, Angeal was on the couch, reading a book. With fluffy slippers on and grey pajamas. It was as if everything just needed to be ridiculous for the moment.  
“Welcome, welcome! Angeal, guess who's here!” Genesis squealed before Angeal could even notice a thing.  
Sephiroth grunted as he entered the living room. Angeal raised an eyebrow. Genesis plopped down into a single couch, curling his legs beneath him. “He's here to see the Love Master!”  
Sephiroth investigated the ceiling, thinking that the only way this could get worse was if the whole building came crashing down.  
“Is this about that text message earlier on?” asked Angeal, lowering his book. Genesis, the 'Love Master' extraordinaire, nodded with barely held in glee.  
Still looking everywhere but at his friends, Sephiroth nodded. Squeals erupted from Genesis. “Who is it? How'd you meet? Tell me everything!”  
Sephiroth glared at them with a practiced look of imposing grandeur. It might have landed with a flop somewhere mid-way on the carpet, so little effect it had. “It's not what you think,” Sephiroth said. “I just need to know that it's not romantic and if it is, how to set it straight and platonic.”  
Genesis looked crestfallen. “Oh.”  
Sephiroth thrust out his phone, unlocking it. “Read the messages, tell me how to fix it.”  
With a frown, Genesis accepted. A moment later he exclaimed, “You gave them your pretzels?”  
“It's just pretzels,” Sephiroth muttered under the doubly gawking glares.  
“Your pretzels are sacrosanct,” Angeal muttered, probably remembering the time he'd tried to 'borrow some' and nearly gotten his head cut off.  
“So who is this 'someone'?” asked Genesis with a frown, fiddling with his hair.  
Sephiroth silently congratulated himself on having changed the contact name at the last minute. “Someone,” he said flatly. “You don't need to know who.”  
“How mysterious,” muttered Genesis, ogling the phone. He chewed his lip, twisting the strands of his hair in his free hand. Then, a moment later, he shook his head. “Platonic.”  
“What?” said Angeal.  
“Really?” asked Sephiroth, both relieved and... well he decided that he was relieved, okay?  
“Yup,” Genesis thrust the phone out to Sephiroth with a flip of the wrist. “Utterly platonic. Keep it up.”  
“Oh good,” said Sephiroth while Angeal frowned.  
“You know you're never going to get laid that way,” quipped Genesis tartly. Sephiroth nodded, pocketing the phone.  
“That's what I want,” he muttered before dipping into an extravagant bow. “Goodbye, Love Master.”  
“Good bye,” said Genesis pompously.  
In the background, Angeal frowned.

////

Cloud sat on his bunkbed, feeling numb. All his dreams- just pouf! Gone. He was one of the few who were rejecting the mako. He was a failure.  
He would have a few courtesy days to find himself an apartment, and then he was discharged. That was it. Over.  
Cloud dimly looked at his phone. Everything was over. Sephiroth hadn't answered, probably already knowing what a failure he was. And anyways, he'd have to turn his phone in soon...  
Ba-ding!  
Cloud jumped, then dove for the phone.  
“You're rejecting?! How awful!”  
Then, a moment later, “Are you at least feeling better?”  
Cloud smiled, wobbly.  
“Yeah,” he typed in “I'm fine now. About to be discharged soon, but fine.”  
There was an awkward pause. Then with a ding!, “I'm sorry to hear that.”  
Cloud sucked in a deep breath. 'yeah' he sent. Then, he chewed his bottom lip. He looked around the empty barracks. Everyone else was out training with Zack. Moving on. All this was about to move on without him – or would it?  
With a gulp, he lifted the phone. 'I'll be gttng a new phone' he started. Then, he hesitated again. Obviously he'd be getting a new phone but oh – how to say this? Like a bulldozer. 'so expect rando texts'  
There wasn't even a pause. 'sure' was the answer.  
If Cloud had been eating, he would have spat it out. Sure? Sure? No 'rawr rawr no more texting, buhbye?'  
Cloud stared as another text dinged in. 'keep me posted on your move. Got places scoped out? Zack should give u a good reference for a job'  
Blinking himself out of his shocked haze, Cloud began typing back 'no. Know any gud places?'  
'No' was the succint answer. Followed not so succintly by 'I suck at civilian life'  
Cloud laughed. True, it was hard to imagine anything civilian about Sephiroth... except the image of Sephiroth in that turtleneck and with the pretzel bag returned to Cloud's mind. That had been pretty domestic if Cloud had any say in the interpretation.   
A guilty grin crept over Cloud's face. Well, he wasn't going to be a cadet any more. Would Sephiroth, then, maybe, possibly, actually, go on a date with Cloud?


	7. WHAAAAT?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Special shoutout to tocasia and zephyr_nyx for their lovely comments and for sticking with the story! Yes, I really love getting comments, they really cheer me up! Comments also make me post what I've written faster :)

Sephiroth moped. Moped wasn't the right word, he insisted to himself. Why would he be upset? Moping implied upset and Sephiroth kept all his emotions neatly packaged and bundled inside. None had better have snuck out of place or there would be a walloping to be had.  
No, Sephiroth was disappointed, that's what he told himself. He had taken the cadet under his wing and he had failed. As such, Sephiroth must be experiencing latent anger. Yes, that was it.  
“Fuck you look depressed,” said Genesis promptly from the doorway.  
Sephiroth picked up his chin from his palm. He picked his torso up from where he'd been half laying across his desk. “I'm angry,” he said, but his voice sounded like a morose shade of anger.  
“Yeah,” Genesis swept into the office, sending rich spicy scent everywhere in choking amounts. “Listen,” he looped an arm around Sephiroth's shoulders. “Don't mope too hard. Zack's really down. His favorite cadet just failed the mako. We're going to cheer him up and -”  
Sephiroth could almost visibly see Genesis' mind change track. The auburn's eyes narrowed and his lips pursed. “Is this about your friend? The one you consulted about?”  
Sephiroth pressed his lips together. Tapped a finger on the desk. Glared at Genesis accusingly. But - “Yes,” he said bravely.  
“Oh,” Genesis looked aside as if he needed space to think. Then, thinking done with in the lick of a second, he looked back. “That's fine. Friends argue.”  
Something about it rang suspicious. Sephiroth's eyes narrowed and his 'sniff out the prey' instincts came on. People usually mistook it for a no-bullshit look, but Sephiroth was, alas, blind to societal norms and thereby had a terrible bullshit detector.  
Hence the narrow eyes was more of a feint than anything. A useful feint. Genesis squawked. “Don't give me that look! I'm just saying,” and the drama queen smoothed back their hair. “If you were angry with a lover, it's a big deal. Makes you question the relationship. But a friend? Friendships get fixed all the time. No biggie.” And he clapped Sephiroth on the shoulder armor. “Don't worry about it. Just make a joke and move on.”  
“A joke?” Sephiroth asked.  
Genesis nodded. “About the issues. Make the issue something that draws you together instead of dividing you.”  
Sephiroth felt like an owl in headlights. “Uhm,” he just wasn't sure how.  
Genesis flipped out a hand. “Want to show me why you're angry?”  
“No,” was the stubborn answer. Because then Genesis would definitely know that the friend-not-crush was 'the' cadet. Which would make Sephiroth look like an approachable idiot. “It's just,” it's not even the cadet's fault. “I'm disappointed in their natural capabilities.”  
Genesis wrinkled his nose. Too many big words? Sephiroth tried again. “It's nothing. Just differences.”  
Genesis grinned and thumped Sephiroth again on the shoulder. “Make them something that brings you together! Like a team!”  
“But I know nothing of-,” civilian life, he was about to say.  
“Of?” Genesis asked suspiciously.  
“Them,” Sephiroth invented. “This, their, difference. That's it.”  
“Show them that you're eager to learn,” hissed Genesis, stooping too close and peering 'meaningfully' into Sephiroth's eyes.  
“Yeah, okay. Got it,” and Sephiroth pushed Genesis away by the shoulder with two fingers.  
“Remember, unity!” said Genesis most dramatically as he straightened.  
“Yes, yes,” grumbled Sephiroth before glancing absent-mindedly at his phone. The cadet hadn't texted once today...  
“Sephiroth.”  
Sephiroth in question turned, then yelped at seeing those mako-enhanced eyes glaring into him so closely. He recoiled, but Genesis clapped a hand on each shoulder.  
“I'm glad you're making a friend,” Genesis said in that 'meaningful' tone that sounded a little high-pitched and hazy.  
“Okay, bye,” said Sephiroth.

////

Cloud was just so damned busy, between calling apartments and jobs and returning his gear. He was going to text the general later when things were done. That way he would sound like he got his stuff together and was all prepared and on-the-ball.  
He wasn't prepared when, in between calls to prospective landlords, he got a random text.  
'We'll make a great team!'  
Cloud's mind jarred. Whut?, was all he could think of. 'you've got the wrong number', he was typing, when a follow-up text answered.  
'Pretzel-place won't think I'm such a creep if I have a civilian with me'  
Cloud startled. He wanted them to get pretzels together? Whoah! Was that, could that be – a prospective date?  
Cloud grinned like an idiot at the text. He put his chin in a palm. He was so happy, basking in the rays of that text that he didn't notice for another minute that he'd just sent his 'you've got the wrong number' text by accident.  
“Oh shit,” he groaned.

“Oh shit,” said Sephiroth when the answer dinged in.  
“What?” yelled Zack from not so far away, holding off a monster. “There's more?”  
“Oh, no,” Sephiroth looked up in time to flick a slice at a monster piece soaring past his head. “No- no I just- oh bother.”  
“Did you just accidentally send HQ a dick pic?” sniggered Genesis from across the monster infestation.  
“What? No?” groaned Sephiroth, now worrying that this, indeed was someone from HQ. Someone who was going to be tracing his number, wondering why he was talking about a new team with a prospective ex-cadet and and and-  
Slice! He chopped down a monster withuot looking. Bother! This was the right conversation. How had it sent to someone else?  
Ding! 'Hey sorry, it's me'  
Ding! 'Pretzels sound great!'  
“Oh no!” barked Sephiroth. “The bastard!” he lent his phone to someone! Someone else was reading their conversation!  
“What?” yelped Zack, ignorant as could be and solely focused upon these piddly monsters.  
“Who does that?” yelled Sephiroth, 'flipping it' and 'losing it' in whichever terms you chose. He felt pain. He felt betrayal of something private. He felt the blistering crack of plastic in his palm as he punched a monster – with the phone.  
“Oh shit!” he groaned as he looked at the mangled mess in his hand. Not that he was hurt. The mako in his system and the gloves had protected him. No, phones were expensive and HQ was stingy about replacing them.  
“Oh shit,” groaned Genesis, looking over and probably guessing something sentimental about it.  
“WHAT?!” yelled Zack.


	8. Yet Another Chapter Strikes Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sephiroth gets a new phone and Cloud gets hung up on.  
> I've missed you all! I'm so sorry it took me this long to post again, but life has been busy and I've sprained my wrist T.T Hopefully I can keep updating throughout the holidays because there's so much coming up!

Chapter  
Cloud waited about half an hour, dilly-dallying with his paperwork and waiting for an answer. But none came.  
Meanwhile, a very grudging Sephiroth stood in line with Genesis and Angeal and Zack at the IT center. “I mean, who does that?” hissed Sephiroth. “Give someone else a conversation? Let them type in an answer?”  
Angeal arched an eyebrow meaningfully at Genesis. “Sounds like a case for the LoveMaster-”  
“Absolutely not,” clipped in Genesis, crossing his arms and tossing his hair. “This is just a case of a shitty friend who doesn't take the relationship seriously.”  
“Seriously?” squawked Sephiroth.  
“Seriously,” said Genesis with a nod. “They're just dicking around.”  
Sephiroth waved an arm in an angry gesture. “Who dicks around with 'me'?”  
“No one, apparently,” mumbled Angeal. “Because you need to get laid and-”  
Genesis cut it all off with a flip of the hand. “Just tell him – I'm assuming it's a 'him' - that you take this relationship seriously and you don't want anyone else reading your messages. Good friends have private messages, you know. They respect each other's limits.”  
“Yeah,” muttered Sephiroth, nodding and crossing his arms. “Yeah, good idea.”  
“M-hmm,” said Genesis. “I'm full of them.”  
“Next,” whined the IT worker as the previous client walked away. Sephiroth marched up, drawing a plastic baggy from his pocket.  
“This is my phone,” he said, dumping the contents onto the counter. The poor techie's jaw dropped as the confetti-like pieces scattered everywhere.  
“I need a new one,” Sephiroth said flatly.

One mountain of signed paperwork later and about an hour of waiting combined, and Sephiroth was marching away, huffing and typing at his phone. “Respect, limits, respect, relationship,” he muttered as he faded away down the hallway.  
Genesis yanked Angeal and Zack to a stop to prevent them from following him.  
“Look'it,” he hissed. “Do you two think that's not love?”  
“But you said,” said Angeal.  
“No 'buts'!” hissed Genesis. “Look! If he realizes he's falling he's going to run! Let him fall, then once he's in love, then we tell him.”  
“Ohhh,” said Angeal.  
“What?” said Zack.  
Genesis gave them both a rattle. “Just go along with everything I say! Friendship!”  
At that exact moment, Sephiroth turned back around the corner of the hallway. “What are you three doing?”  
Genesis shoved the two aside, sending them flying into the walls on either side of him. “Cavorting!” he said, blurting the first word that came to mind. Then, picking up the sides of his coat, he began skipping forward. “La la la -la la,” he went, traipsing along while flipping his coat from side to side.  
“Yeah!” said Zack before imitating Genesis. “La la la-” one desperate look was thrown at Genesis to make sure he was doing this right. “Friendship la la la!”  
Sephiroth's expression deadpanned. “You guys are fucking idiots,” he said before marching away. Nose buried back in his phone, he didn't hear Zack yelp and squeal “But you said to just – friendship?”

Cloud finally got a message from Sephiroth near the end of the afternoon.  
Or should he say 'textSSSS'. His eyes bugged out of his head as the texts rolled in, one after another.  
“How dare you just hand this conversation to someone else? That is not only rude, it's a breach of confidence! Don't you have any self respect? Don't you ever care about or invest in your relationships? You know I respect this relationship and do my best as well as respect your limits and that is altogether not reflected by you just handing the conversation to some other person to send me rude texts. Haven't you gotten around to keeping your conversations private at the very least from everyone in the barracks? Reading another person's mail and impersonating them is a class four offense and -”  
Cloud's eyes nearly rolled back in his head -if he wasn't so shocked instead.   
“What the hell?” he muttered, leaning against the corner of the wall leading into his barrack's cubby.  
A final ding rang in.   
'Well? Answer me!' demanded Sephiroth.  
I still haven't finished reading all that about classes and offenses, thought Cloud, confused as could be. But he tried to type something.  
'uh' he typed out before another 'ding' resounded.   
'Are you ignoring me now? Very mature!'  
Cloud cursed under his breath. With a fumble he deleted his 'uh' and instead jammed the 'call person' logo. Then, looking around to be ure there was no goons to overhear, he lifted the phone to his ear.  
Ring, ring.  
There was a click of someone answering, and the sharp inhale.  
Cloud lit into him before he could be lit into.  
“Hey listen! Just because everyone thinks you're mister mighty on high doesn't give you the right to be a jackass!”  
“Excuse me?” growled Sephiroth.  
Cloud's heart skipped up into his throat.Shit. He'd nearly forgotten who he was talking to. In fact, he had forgotten in a way that this wasn't anyone. It was Sephiroth.  
Cloud bit his lip. But he was no longer a cadet. He wasn't … he didn't want to be... weren't they... you know?  
So Cloud sucked in his breath and straightened his shoulders. “Listen. I don't even know whwy you're angry. You sure you got the right number?” There he was being diplomatic!  
“Oh?” asked Sephiroth in a hushed tone that sounded incredibly menacing.  
That just made Cloud angry. He would not be intimidated! “You don't answer me all day and now – you just – what's that even about?” He sighed, anger petering out. “What are you on? Are you drunk?” he hoped it. Every relationship had its drunk texts, right? It would mean Sephiroth thought of him...  
There was a long pause. Cloud chewed his lip. “Hello?” he asked finally.  
“Yes I'm here,” snarked back Sephiroth. “I'm just trying to make sense of what you're saying now.”  
Cloud wanted to slam the phone against the wall. “What?” he groaned. “What are you -now what?”  
“You give your phone to someone else to read our conversations. Why don't you just admit it?” snapped Sephiroth coldly.  
“I – what?” groaned Cloud. “I did not do that!” Again, he looked around. No one. He lowered his voice. “This is my private phone and no one has seen it yet! How could someone have – I didn't even see any new texts!”  
“You've got the wrong number? Did you miss that? Or did you suddenly feel the need to precise it was yosrself texting for no reason?”  
Cloud blinked. “That – that was me. I sent you that. It was an accident.”  
“Oh really?” snarked Sephiroth. “Somehow I don't believe you.”  
“What?” gasped Cloud. “But it's true I-”  
Click.  
Cloud gaped as he held the phone before him. No way. He pressed it back to his ear. “Hello?” but there was obviously noanswer. The jerk had hung up.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quoth the raven "Fuck this shit". I've been seriously absent y'all, and it's all due to bad anxiety. I'm trying to get my actual writing projects up off the ground, but it's depressingly slow. So if y'all want to encourage me one tiniest tiddy bit, join my facebook reading group! I post my lgbt+ novels there for absolutely FREE and, well, we can discuss them? They're fairy tales that are like a blend of Terry Pratchett and LOTR, so I've been told. Hope to see you all HERE -> https://www.facebook.com/groups/569454026857758/?ref=bookmarks

Sephiroth was angry. He ate in silence. Showered. Curled up with some papers and decided to change his mind. Gave up and flopped onto his bed.  
Sephiroth, half naked and in sweatpants, felt like he was boiling with anger. He had been deceived. Paraded around like some trophy friend probably. He could just imagine the cadet waving the phone around. 'Oh, look at me, I've got the general texting me!'  
Sephiroth made a face. Why did all his love life-  
He balked. No. This wasn't a love life. This was a friendship. Fri-end-ship. No love life here. None at all. He had the 'Love Master' certifying that this was only a friendship.  
And Sephiroth was good with friendships. He had friendships. Two of them, and not all failures. He didn't need any more, he decided.  
No, Sephiroth decided, he certainly didn't need another friend. Especially not … one who had failed mako.  
Because, Sephiroth thought pettily, perhaps the failure in taking mako was a failure of some intrinsic quality. Perhaps Cloud just really wasn't a 'strong' enough of a personality to stand by Sephiroth.  
Sephiroth knew that line of thought was mean and shallow. But he clung to it for a minute, just to make himself feel better.  
Then, like the inevitable taste when one drinks orange juice after brushing their teeth, Sephiroth thought of some less-than savory beefcakes in SOLDIER. Nope, definitely not people Sephiroth wanted by his side.  
But then, what about Cloud?   
Just a cute jerk, Sephiroth thought mercilessly.  
Wait a minute... did he just call Cloud cute?

//

The next morning Cloud was emptying out of the barracks into the flat he'd mercifully get the keys for that same day. One bag around his shoulder and his duffel at his feet, he was waiting for a taxi.  
He hadn't texted home about his failure. He told himself he'd do that once he was newly settled and could explain it all and no one would have to worry about his future.  
But for now... he flicked open his shiny phone. Gulped. Tapped out a 'hey'. Erased it. Tapped out the exact same 'hey'. After three tries, he finally sent it.  
He was still staring at his phone half an hour later when the taxi arrived. His eyes were dried out from staring so much and his stomach and chest felt numb. There had been no answer.  
There would be no answer, he realized miserably.

Time passed. Fall deepened, the weather turning colder and colder. Monsters overran the hillsides, then receded to hibernate like only monstrous things do. Sephiroth finally had a chance to sneak off base and defeat the greatest monster of all: pretzel craving.  
It wasn't exactly because of monsters that Sephiroth hadn't gone to fetch himself pretzels. It was exactly because the last time he'd gone and been dumb enough to share them with a cadet, and now they reminded him of the fool.   
A fool who would laugh no more, Sephiroth thought grimly. No more was he giving cadets material to laugh at him about. No more... or was it nevermore? Whatever. Caw-caw, motherfucker.  
Mind full of ravens squawking 'nevermore' and skulking like one himself and, if one was to push the metaphor even farther, in a bad enough mood to be called a 'murder', Sephiroth made his way to the pretzel shop.  
For once he wasn't in civilian clothes. He'd forgotten to change. Now, he thought snottily that hey, maybe he'd show off rank a little bit. Because nevermore and whatnot.  
As soon as he walked in, the young woman behind the counter squeaked. There, that felt good on the ego. Some proper rank being pulled, right here.  
And then, 'it' happened.  
Quoth the raven...  
“Cloud?!” barked Sephiroth just as said person walked out of the kitchen, holding a tray of donuts.  
Cloud's jaw fell. A pallor bleached over his face, and in a graceless tilt to the side followed by a tumble – splat – a two dozen cream-filled donuts onto the floor.  
Squelch. One little spot of cream landed on Sephiroth's face. It was a very happy spot of cream.  
It was the only happy thing in the room.  
Sephiroth wiped that cream off with the back of his hand. “Typical,” sneered Sephiroth, spouting the meanest and most hurtful thing that he could think of.  
Cloud gaped. “Typical? Typical?! TYPICAL?!” his voice pitched right up there into shouting volumes. “What the fuck do you even know about me?!”  
“Uh,” said the cashier, about to scold Cloud. Did he even know who he was yelling at?  
“Yes, typical!” barked Sephiroth, raising his voice to match Cloud's notch. “You – are so typical! You- are so predictable! What are you even doing here? Hoping to meet me?” That last bit came out in a mocking sneer, with a half laugh.  
“You?!” shrieked Cloud. “I work in the kitchen!” He gestured behind himself, whacking his hand against the doorway he was standing in. He flinched, and Sephiroth snorted mockingly.  
That was it.  
That, oh there it was.  
'Never-Oh Shit!' the raven would have said, if said raven was Sephiroth. Because that was exactly what Sephiroth thought.  
Every animal, every person, has that switch where things get serious and they get nasty. He'd just flicked Cloud's switch.   
“Typical? Typical?! You want to know what's so typical?” Cloud stepped over the pile of donuts and stomped towards Sephiroth, who glared down coolly. Cloud stopped before Sephiroth- or didn't.   
“Typical!” he shouted, shoving Sephiroth in the chest. “Is someone who is so Full of themselves!” Another shove against the bewildered Sephiroth. “Typical is someone who thinks everything is about them! Typical is-” he gave Sephiroth another shove, only to have his hands knocked aside – and one wrist seized and lifted up so Cloud had no maneouvering room.   
A gloved finger was pointed between Cloud's eyes. “You are the one who went around sharing with everyone!”  
“I did not!” screamed Cloud right up in Sephiroth's face.  
“You did so!”  
“Did not!”  
Sephiroth straightened, tossing away Cloud's wrist. “Whatever,” he said nastily. “Not worth my time.”  
Cloud's jaw dropped. Shock stamped across his face. On that note, Sephiroth gleefully turned away, about to make a grand exit.  
“You – are a self-centered git who thinks he's the center of the world! But you know what? No one really likes you!”  
That was a knife to Sephiroth's heart. No one really likes you.   
Sephiroth felt himself whirl around. “Augh!” he screamed furiously at this arrogant and perceptive little jerk. “I don't care what you think!” he shouted, flinging out a hand in emphasis.  
Smash. The glass wall before the stacks of donuts and goodies shattered as Sephiroth's hand accidentally struck it.  
“Oh,” said the cashier faintly, turning the color of soured milk.  
“Oh,” said Sephiroth softly, all anger gone. Even his poor social skills could tell that he'd broken a social rule.  
Cloud gulped, looking from the glass to Sephiroth. There was a hint of fear in his eyes.  
Sephiroth cleared his throat. “I'm uh, I'm sorry. Uhm. I should- I should go.” And then, scampering away as f he'd been whipped, Sephiroth darted out.


	10. I'm BACK!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So hello everyone! I'm back from a super bad stretch of mental health, with more and more goodies for everyone! Drama unfolds, shenanigans happen, and will they kiss? Stay tuned and -if you're into humor and want to read some more LGBT fiction - join my reading group on Facebook! at https://www.facebook.com/groups/569454026857758/ also called "Michael's Reading Group!' Special thanks to everyone who has stuck with me so far and left happy notes and kudos! I really appreciate them!

Cloud was furious, Cloud was upset, Cloud was angry.  
“Can't have staff picking fights with clients,” droned on the big boss, gesturing to the mess that was the stack of goodies now covered in shattered glass.  
“Yes sir,” grumbled Cloud.  
“You'll have to apologize,” drawled the boss, crossing his arms over his sizeable paunch. “The next time he comes 'round, you're apologizing. Full deal. And I mean it,” he said that last bit while glaring over his tiny glasses.  
Cloud nodded. Well. That meant he had one thing left to do.

///  
Sephiroth

Sephiroth had made it to the base. He was walking across the grounds (no pretzel in hand) when the message dinged in. Pulling his phone from his pocket, he was astonished to see who the message was from. He'd been expecting one from Genesis maybe wailingabout the need for a croissant but – cloud?  
A little twinge in his heart told him that this was an apology, that maybe things were going to go better after this. Maybe Cloud had just needed to be shown a little bit of 'who's boss' to get his head straight again.  
That was a dumb thought, Sephiroth thought. But he was smiling as he snapped open the phone and read the message.  
Hey, I'm doing you a favor and telling you to never come back to the shop again. Manager real mad at you. So stay away, ok? Goodbye.  
Sephiroth's jaw fell. “AUGH!” he yelled, shaking the phone in fury. Several Soldiers jumped away from him, breaking formation to get to relative safety that space provided. Sephiroth didn't notice, bolting off towards the building where Genesis would be.  
When he reached the top floor of said building (still running at mako-enhanced speeds) he burst through the door. “Genesis!” he fairly roared.  
The class full of young cadets gasped. Genesis, at the head of the class, paused in his lecture. “Yes?”  
Sephiroth held up his phone, and gestured wildly. “Come here!” he hissed.  
Genesis sighed. He knew what this was. “Hold that thought,” he said to the class before walking (strutting) over to Sephiroth, who held the door open for him.   
Door shut, the two walked a little away down the hall, whispering as they went.  
“Look! Look! Look what the dickbag sent me!” hissed Sephiroth, shaking the phone at Genesis. “My favourite place! Now he got me banned!”  
“Uh,” Genesis took the phone. “What happened? Aside from this message?”  
Sephiroth paused. “Well, he was there.”  
“Where?” hissed Genesis, drawing their walking to a stop beside a water fountain.   
Sephiroth scowled. “Where else? The pretzel place! And we argued!”  
“Okay,” said Genesis, putting two and two together and guessing that this was the 'friend-not-crush-who-was-definitely-a-crush'. “And what happened?”  
“He was such a jerk!” hissed Sephiroth. “He was just-” and he shook his head, pressing fingertips to his forehead. After an inhale was an exhale and he slumped. “And I broke the glass. Which is probably why I'm banned now. He probably told the manager I'm an unstable git or something.”  
“You broke the glass?” murmured Genesis, making a fornicating hand gesture. “You mean he was a virgin?”  
“What? No!” Sephiroth smacked at Genesis' hand, stopping the hand gesture. “On a display case! I got mad and broke the glass on a display thing!”  
“You were having sex on a display?” gasped Genesis.  
“There was no sex!” yelled Sephiroth.  
In answer, the classroom down the hall gasped. Sephiroth smacked a palm to his own forehead.  
“Is that the problem? The no sex part?” chuckled Genesis.  
Sephiroth shook his head. “I'm going,” he grumbled, shoving past Genesis. “I'm going to go tell him what I think.” Because dammit, he was pissed! And that cadet-turned-civilian was ruining his life!  
“You- didn't you just see him?” asked Genesis, puzzled and honestly confused.  
But Sephiroth was marching away, damned and determined to have the last word. This time, he told himself, the cadet wasn't getting under his skin. He wasn't losing his temper, he wasn't breaking anything. This time – he was setting things straight.

////  
Cloud

The bakery was a mess, metaphorically and literally. It was crunch time, the glass case was gone so children were putting their sticky fingers over everything, and the kitchen had to run double overdrive to make up for all the goodies that had been covered in glass.  
Ding-da-ling! Went the doorbell constantly, and the place was packed. Cloud had just finished bringing a batch of bagels upfront and the place was positively crowded. It was as if all the local students had decided to come get their study snacks all at once.   
Cloud didn't particularly think twice about another ding-a-ling, except he heard a gasp. Normally he wouldn't be able to hear such a thing from all the way in the back, but the boss (who was helping out front dueto the mess and influx of clients) and that boss had a way to breathe loudly. Also he spoke loudly.   
“He's in the back!” the boss fairly yelled over the crowd.  
Cloud paused mid-pour of flour into a mixer. Who needed to see him?  
“You know, I'mjust so sorry about what happened. I can't believe the nerve of him! Here, this way,”  
Oh, shit. Cloud set the bag of flour down, hoping against hope that it wasn't -   
Sephiroth.  
Sephiroth with flashing green eyes and an amused smirk on his lips. Beside him, the portly (and very short by comparison) boss was wheezing and apologizing so fast the words weren't making sense.  
Cloud set the measuring cup down. Great bouncing burgers. This was the last thing he needed.  
The boss drew to a pompous stop. “Well! Apologize!” he commanded to Cloud.  
Sephiroth drew to a stop beside the manager,lips quivering in a suppressed smirk, arms crossed.   
Cloud's jaw refused to move. For a moment he just glared at Sephiroth.  
Sephiroth drummed his fingers on his arms. “Caught in a lie,” he muttered under his breath.  
Cloud gritted his jaw. “Okay, yes, I lied. I just didn't want you to come back! You trashed the place, you know?”  
Sephiroth raised his eyebrows, amused. “Is that all you've done?”  
The manager puffed up. “Yes! What else have you done?”  
Both Cloud and Sephiroth glared at th emanager. Sephiroth's glare was somewhat more effective. The manager squeaked. “What?” he asked.  
Sephiroth stared coolly at Cloud. “Do yourself a favor and stop lying so much-”  
“Oh don't get all 'life lesson' on me!” yelled Cloud, banging the measuring cup down before pointing at Sephiroth. “You're the one who's paranoid and coming up with stuff!”  
The manager squeaked. Sephiroth scowled.  
“I! Never! Lied to you!” Cloud shouted. “You're the one who made it all up! You did that!”  
Sephiroth put on his 'not impressed' face. “Wrong number? Really-”  
“Really!” yelled Cloud. “I thought you had the wrong number, okay? And then I realized it wasn't- and,” his voice had petered down from its yell. He looked at the measuring cup. “Whatever.” He picked the measuring cup up and thunked it down. “Whatever. I – you know what, that's it. Keep coming here, keep with your stupid paranoid ideas, whatever. I quit.”  
And he marched on out, head ducked down to avoid looking at Sephiroth.  
Except as he passed Sephiroth an arm stopped him. Cloud glared up as Sephiroth looked down, one strong arm around Cloud's torso.   
“You really thought it was a wrong number?” Sephiroth asked quietly.  
“Are we really still talking about this?” hissed Cloud. “Get a life!” And he wrenched, trying to free himself. All that happened was Sephiroth patiently turning Cloud to face him.  
“I'm sorry,” Sephiroth said.  
Cloud froze. He stared up into Sephiroth's eyes as both of the man's hands took his shoulders.   
“I'm sorry I didn't believe you, and I'm sorry I put you through this.”  
Cloud gaped. His jaw wobbled and he wasn't sure what he was feeling, or thinking. The hands lifted from his shoulders. “Have a good day,” Sephiroth said softly.  
Then he turned and walked out of the kitchen, coat swirling behind him.  
Cloud just stood there and gaped. So did the manager, who looked like he had no idea what had happened.

/////

Hey.   
Sephiroth smiled at his phone. It was late suppertime and he was in the officers' mess hall with Genesis and Angeal, poking at food that all tasted the same.  
Hey, he texted back.  
“Hey!” said Genesis, leaning over. “So who's that?”  
“My friend,” said Sephiroth as he set the phone down and returned to his food. The smile stayed stuck on his face despite attempts to get rid of it.  
“Uh huh,” said Genesis.   
“So who-?” started Angeal.  
Ding! Sephiroth snatched up his phone.  
I'm sorry too.  
“So who is that?” asked Angeal, feigning innocence badly.  
“No one,” said Sephiroth with that smile still stuck there.  
Ding! Can I call you?   
Of course, Sephiroth texted back. Then he rose from the table, leaving his plate there. “I'm leaving,” he announced.  
“But-” said Angeal, looking from the half-finished plate to sephiroth walking away.  
Ring ring! Sephiroth's phone rang and he picked up almost instantly, exiting the hall at the same time.  
Genesis motioned Angeal and Zack closer. They clustered together likea bunch of hens over a single worm.  
“Listen,” hissed Genesis. “I think they're back together.”  
“What does that mean?”asked Zack, the eternally clueless one.  
“And it's serious?” asked Angeal.  
Genesis nodded. With a sexual hand movement he said “They broke glass earlier on.”  
“What does that mean?” hissed Zack.  
“Ohhh,” said Angeal, eyes wide. “So the friend was a virgin?”  
“I'm not sure,” said Genesis, “he wasn't very forthcoming. But here's the plan. Act. Casual. Alright? We will pay no heed to this new development in their relationship. We must pretend it's not a thing.”  
“Oh I got that!” said Zack.

Not so far away but getting farther with every stride, Sephiroth was happily answering his phone. And farther away, Cloud was sitting on the edge of a chairin his apartment, holding the phone to his ear.  
“Hello?” was Sephiroth's purr-like voice across the speaker.  
Cloud let out a breath. “Hey,” and he didn't know what else to say.  
“You wanted to talk?” Sephiroth said after a short pause.  
“Y-yeah,” said Cloud, fumbling with a pen in one hand. “I uh, I-” and he pressed a palm to his forehead, accidentally leaving a trace of pen there as well. “Look I,” he shut his eyes, took a deep breath, and tried again. “I wanted to talk to you.”  
“Yes?” said Sephiroth calmly but with a hint of worry.  
Cloud gulped. “I'm really glad we're talking again.”  
“Me too,” said Sephiroth. “I hope we can be friends for a while.”  
Cloud's heart jumped like he'd been shot with a taser. “But – that's the thing! I don't want that! I'm not sure I can- I-” and he fumbled his words. “I just- I mean, I,”  
Far away, Sephiroth had drawn to a halt. The corridor was empty yet he whispered. “You don't want to talk to me anymore?”  
“No!”Cloud gestured frantically. “It's just – I do want to talk to you! A lot actually but -”  
“But what?” Sephiroth asked so softly. Cloud bit his lip. This softness, this gentle side of Sephiroth was getting to him again. He so much didn't want to lose Sephiroth again and yet he'd promised himself, talked himself into this.  
Cloud closed his eyes and let out a breath. “Will you go on a date with me?”  
Far away, Sephiroth startled. Again?  
Cloud, meanwhile, had returned to gesturing as he spoke. “It's just – I was going to ask before you, you know, we broke off, and I was, like, we get along so well, and – you know, I. I really like you.”  
“That doesn't mean we have to date,” said Sephiroth firmly, putting his mental foot down. There,he told himself,that was it.  
“No,it doesn't mean that but- I'd really like to. I've missed you so much and,” Cloud faltered. “But if you don't want to we don't have to.”  
“I don't,” said Sephiroth flatly. Friendship, the man was thinking. He only wanted friendships.  
It was an arrow to Cloud's heart. His jaw went slack and he just sat there, his worst fear now real.   
“Cloud?” Sephiroth said.  
Cloud shook himself out of his trance. “Uh- ye-yes? Yes. That's okay. I'm just – in the middle of something here.” And he looked around his starkly empty apartment for a suitable excuse. His eyes landed on the kitchen. “I'm cooking.”  
“Oh?” purred Sephiroth in that low voice. It gave Cloud chills. How could he sound so sensual, so carelessly? Didn't he realize what he did to the world?  
“Yeah,” said Cloud feebly. “Lasagna.”  
Sephiroth hummed approval. Cloud bit his lip to try and keep the tears from falling. The conversation wound on, Cloud doing his best not to be sentimental. Eventually, he invented a lasagna problem (Cheese sticking to his fingers!) and he hung up.  
Cloud dropped his head onto his empty table. What had he been thinking? Of course Sephiroth wasn't interested. The man was probably straight as a pin and spent his evenings with a different woman every night. Or something like that.

Far away, Sephiroth smiled as he tossed his phone onto his bed. There, he told himself. We're friends and everything's fixed now. No stupid dating to wreck things. Friendships last forever, but dating is a mess.


	11. Confusion and Mayhem!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I strike again! Hey everyone, welcome to another caffeine-induced chapter! I really hope y'all like it! And whatever you do -> don't throw your phone into stand mixers that are turned on.

“You did What?” exclaimed the Love Master Extraordinaire, flipping his hair dramatically.  
“Yup,” said Sephiroth, nose in his phone and texting at the speed of well, two clumsy thumbs doing their best to get used to technology.   
Behind, in the dry field, Zack was dealing with the monsters all alone as Angeal tried to peer over Sephiroth's shoulder. “What's happening?” shouted Zack, wondering what could possibly be so important he was left to deal with these giant serpents all alone.  
“You're doing great,” called out Sephiroth without looking up from his phone.  
“Bit more to the left!” chipped in Angeal, peering at Sephiroth's phone.  
“What?” shouted Zack, looking left. Whack! The serpent on the right sent him flying with a most bizarre head butt.   
“Yeah, good job,” muttered Sephiroth, assuming the 'thud' was another serpent being struck down.  
Then, getting his nose slightly out of his phone, Sephiroth looked left and right. “What do you think?”   
Angeal frowned. Genesis flipped his hair and looked ready to blow a glamorous fuse. “You bought him a gift?”  
Sephiroth nodded. “Yeah,”  
“Because you're friends now?”  
“Yeah,” Sephiroth said, oblivious as could be.  
Genesis forced a rabid smile onto his face. “That's, very friendly of you.”  
“Uh,” Angeal said, about to bust someone's oblivious bubble. “You know, that's not really -”  
“Friendship!” interrupted Genesis, nearly roaring it at Angeal. Then, to Sephiroth while still glaring at Angeal, he barked. “That's very friendly of you!”  
“Yeah,” nodded Sephiroth, flicking through the pictures on his phone. “I figured I should do something because I was the one who broke it off for a dumb reason. So which one? Pink or blue? Or the yellow?”  
The two more sensible people looked at the stuffed chocobo plushies that Sephiroth was showing on his screen.   
“It's uh,” said Angeal, pursing his lips.  
“I don't think the pink,” Sephiroth said. “It looks too romantic.”  
Angeal ogled Genesis. Genesis did his best to keep a straight face. “Do you think, perhaps, that he has romantic intentions for you?” Genesis asked cautiously.  
“Oh yeah,” Sephiroth nodded, zooming in on the yellow chocobo. “He asked me out. But I said no, because I don't want to date.”  
Angeal jaw dropped. Genesis remained perfectly composed while mentally smacking Sephiroth upside the head with a hammer.   
“Very suave,” Genesis said dryly.  
“Or black?” Sephiroth asked, frowning at the screen.  
“Why a plushie?” asked Angeal, fairly choking out the words.  
Sephiroth grinned. “Because they come with the kids' menu I'm ordering for him.”  
Genesis did smack his forehead (his own, mercifully).   
“You're buying him lunch?” asked Angeal.  
“Oh yeah, well what else am I supposed to do?”  
“Some people would just apologize,” Genesis couldn't help but snap.  
“But what better way to do it than with food?” smirked Sephiroth.  
“And a -plushie?” asked Angeal, eyeing Genesis.  
Genesis flipped ahand in the air and planted it on his hip. “Do it. Buy him lunch.”  
“Well of course,” said Sephiroth with a frown. “I'm at the chocobo part?”  
“What color are his eyes?” smirked Genesis.  
“Blue?” frowned Sephiroth, totally not getting the connection.  
“Hair?” snapped Genesis majestically.  
“Blond!” said Sephiroth, snapping his fingers and nodding. “Yellow it is then.” And he began happily tapping away at his screen. Angeal and Genesis exchanged a look.  
Meanwhile, Zack was bursting out of a snake's abdomen, slicing his way free, covered in green digestive slime.  
“And – send!” Sephiroth victoriously tapped at his screen,completing his order.  
“I did it!” blurted Zack, staggering over, trailing the buster sword after himself.   
“Me too,” said Sephiroth, taking one last happy look at his screen. “Now-” and he turned around, pocketing his cellphone. At the sight of Zack, the trio paused.  
“What?!” wailed Zack.

////

“You ordered lunch?” asked the girl behind the cash, groaning in jealousy as the delivery person waddled in in full chocobo costume.  
Cloud ogled the costume from the doorway of the kitchen. “I uh, I didn't?” he said.  
“It's for Cloud,” groaned the surprisinly non-chipper delivery chocobo. They held it out to the cashier. Said cashier pointed to the kitchen. Cloud was just happy that the cafe was empty. The boss would have a fit if he knew they were ordering out their food.  
“I uh, 'm not paying for that,” said Cloud grumpily, wondering what could possibly have gone wrong in the stars for this to happen. Was this some person's idea of a joke?  
“It's paid for,” said the grumpy chocobo, shoving the greasy bag at Cloud. “Just take it, ok?”  
Cloud took it with a blink. The grmpy salesperson stomped on out, tail flapping ridiculously. They tried to slam the door behind them, but it wouldn't slam, instead slowly jangling shut.  
“Well? Who's it from?” the cashier nosied on over. Cloud shrugged and ripped open the bag. Inside was a note, a teeny tiny chocobo plush, and the burger and fries.  
“They forgot the drink,” said the cashier, plucking out the receipt.  
Cloud, on the other hand, was busy reading the note. It read 'sorry – sephiroth'. 

 

Sephiroth was sitting at his desk, feet propped up and fingers busy with fries. Ordering for Cloud had given him a craving that the mess hall hadn't been able to sate. And now his phone was ringing with a certain blond's number? He smiled.   
“Hello?” he flinched, realizing he'd forgotten to wipe his fingers before picking the phone up. Now he'd gotten greasy fingers and maybe some ketchup on his phone!  
“Sephiroth?” hissed Cloud at the other end.  
“Mhmm?” hummed Sephiroth, fully ready to receive gushing compliments. After all, the place had a fabulous rating online.  
“What were you thinking? Was this some joke?” hissed Cloud, as if he was afraid of being overheard. “You know I could get fired for this?”  
“Hmh? No, what?” asked Sephiroth, straightening up and putting his feet on the floor.  
“Yes!” snarled Cloud. “Me,fired! Almost! Would you stop making a stink of things?”  
Sephiroth blanched. This was not going as planned. “Uh,” he said,mind racing for some excuse. “They had really good reviews online.”  
“For what? The fact that their fries are cut out in smiley-faces?” Cloud sighed. “They animate children's parties. It's only parents with toddlers who go to that restaurant.”  
Sephiroth smacked his own forehead. Greasily so.  
“I mean,” Cloud did a little laugh. “You even sent me a plushie with it. A chocobo.”  
Sephiroth wilted. “Y-yeah?”  
“Look,” Cloud, far away, straightened as he poured flour into a stand mixer with one hand. A small puff of flour went up as the mixer buzzed happily away, stirring at medium speed. “I appreciate you trying to buy me lunch. But uh, it's kind of weird.”  
“Weird?” Sephiroth frowned. He and Genesis and Angeal and even Zack always went out for food together! What was weird about this?  
“Well,” Cloud hesitated as he reached for an egg. Then he froze. Far away, as if through a tunnel, he heard the sound of his boss snarling at the cashier.  
Cloud, on instinct, threw his phone into the mixing bowl.   
CRUNCH!


	12. And Zack says... "What?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein sap happens, Genesis strikes, and Zack, again, says "What?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very happy to announce that I am still alive and writing! Thanks to anyone who keeps reading! Remember that comments feeds this author and pleeeeeaase consider reading my lotr fic because, you know, I care. And comment. Much comment, more reading.

Sephiroth sighed. He paced. He frowned terribly at his reflection. Finally, he decided that he should still go see Cloud. Just because other people didn't understand that things could be platonic didn't mean they couldn't be platonic. Right?  
But here was the thing. Sephiroth really liked Cloud. Which made the dating problem all the more irritating because he wanted it so bad. He wanted it, he knew he did. But he couldn't have it. And everyone was acting like it was a possibility!  
Sephiroth glared at the phone, courtesy of it ringing for the hundredth time. He walked past it. Sat on the bed. Glared at it.  
Then, just before it went to voicemail, he answered. “Hnh?” he grunted, knowing full well who was calling. Because it wasn't just late, it was really late.  
“Hey,” said Cloud. “Guess you're not coming over after all?”  
“No,” Sephiroth murmured.  
There was a gulp. Cloud was drinking. “You know you're a jerk? Right?” he said.  
“Yes,” said Sephiroth quietly.  
“So what's she like?” Cloud asked brazenly.  
Sephiroth's eyebrows shot up. “Cloud, I'm alone.”  
“And you're not here because?”  
“Because I realized that I would be misleading you. I don't want you to think that something could happen between us.” There. Sephiroth was being mature. Why did it hurt so much?  
He swore he heard Cloud sniffle. “Yeah, sure,” he croaked. Then, with a curse, he hung up.  
Sephiroth blinked and stared at the phone. He just hung up? Like that? Was he alright – no, of course he wasn't. He had his heart set on this almost-date, and Sephiroth hadn't even had the dignity of showing up.  
Sephiroth flopped onto his side on the bed, miserable as could be. The problem really was that this felt terrible. He wanted to be next to Cloud, drinking a beer, or whatever terrible alcohol concoction he'd managed on his cheap budget. He wanted, he wanted...  
Sephiroth smothered himself with a pillow.  
Ring ring, went the phone right next to his head under the pillow. Sephiroth jumped, scrambled with the phone, then set the phone to his ear.  
“Hello?”  
“General Sephiroth sir?” said Genesis in a prissy accent.  
“Oh what?” sighed Sephiroth.  
“Love doth overflow, but the chambers of thy heart are sealed!”  
Sephiroth squinted at the light on his ceiling. “What?” he hissed, pinching the bridge of his nose.  
There was a knock at the door. “I can see you're in there, and not on your date,” said Genesis.  
“Wow, congratulations,” muttered Sephiroth, sweeping up to his feet. “Do you want a medal?” Then, setting the phone in his pocket, he unlocked the door and pulled it open.   
“I do want a medal,” said Genesis, flicking his hair back. He flounced in, head held high and stinking of expensive perfume. Sephiroth sighed and shut the door and locked it.  
Genesis flung himself down on Sephiroth's bed, sprawling spread-eagle with his boots on. He held up a finger, eyes sliding shut. “This is an intervention,” he announced.  
Sephiroth crossed his arms and scowled, glaring down at the figure. Genesis opened his eyes and sat up on his elbows. “How come your bed is so comfortable?”  
“I rotate the mattress,” clipped Sephiroth. “Now if this is about Cloud-”  
“Cloud?” Genesis' attention was piqued. His eyes were alight with fresh fire and he licked his lips, tasting, well, probably lip gloss. “Why does that name sound familiar?”  
Sephiroth shifted uncomfortably. “No idea. Now-”  
“You asshole!” squeaked a tiny voice from nowhere. “What the fuck do you want?”  
Sephiroth and Genesis both froze, instincts on high alert. Then, both stared at Sephiroth's speaking pant pocket. “Sephiroth? You there? Asshole!”  
Clearing his throat, the asshole in question drew out his phone. “Yes?” he grumbled to his phone.  
“He likes you!” wailed Genesis.  
“Uh?” asked a very drunken Cloud through the phone.  
“Go on a date!” Genesis fairly shouted. “Take him to that shitty pretzel place!”  
“Will you-” Sephiroth hissed, turning to Genesis, but the scented man was already up and lunging. Making a grab for it he snatched the phone from Sephiroth and barelled towards the door, all the while speaking into the phone. “Matchmaking services here, I've been hired by Sephiroth to tell you-” Genesis shoved a hand in Sephiroth's face and held the phone out at arm's length to keep it away from Sephiroth. “that he really, really likes you and you should totally take him on a date because he's too shy! K Bye!”  
Genesis threw the phone back at Sephiroth. Then he ran like hell.

“Was it worth it?” asked Angeal the next day, walking in the mission field next to Genesis. Genesis who was bearing a very black eye.  
“Totally,” hissed Genesis sarcastically.  
“So great!” said Zack from the other side of Genesis, giving him a playful punch on the shoulder. “I think rough sparring sessions are the best!”  
Genesis gave Zack a look. Zack went “What?”  
Angeal cleared his throat. “You notice Sephiroth's not here today?”  
Zack stretched his arms over his head and nodded. “Yeah he took a sick day or something? Totally-” and then he pointed to Genesis' black eye. “Ohhh.”  
“He's going to thank me later,” grumbled Genesis. With a toss of the head he crowed his own praises. “He'll be back saying 'oh Matchmaker, you were totally right, I should have listened to you all along'.”  
Zack held up a finger with a big grin. “Because you lied to him. Right?”  
Matchmaker was not pleased. “No. Because I was right.”  
“But you lied. So you said the opposite,” Zack was now holding up two fingers and waving them around. “So technically,”  
“Zack,” warned Angeal.  
Genesis snorted like a bull on a rampage, glared like one, but stunk like a honeybee's butt. “Look,” he combed his hair back from his glorious face. “I'm to thank if he and this, 'Cloud' get together.”  
“Cloud?” asked Zack.  
“Do either of you know him? The name sounds familiar,” hummed Genesis darkly.  
Zack and Angeal exchanged a look. Genesis missed half of it, courtesy of the black eye. By the time he turned to look at Zack the look was gone.  
“Nope!” and Zack stretched out his arms above him. “Nope, nope, nope. Nope! Not at all.”  
“That means no,” Angeal translated for the confused Genesis.


	13. Bats!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein I am loosely inspired by a bat movie I didn't watch. Disclaimer: I rarely watch horror movies, but I've heard they can be quite the roast. As usual, comments are greatly appreciated!

“It was the best of days, it was the worst of days,” moaned Genesis as he flopped down on the couch.  
“I'm sure your datessss didn't care about your black eye,” said Angeal with a smirk as the rest of them sat down around Genesis' flower-scented living room.  
Genesis whined about not being able to see them all well enough while Sephiroth arrived from the kitchen, nose in his phone. Zack, perched on a single couch seater, watched him with a broad grin.  
“Any good movies coming out?” asked Sephiroth, interrupting Genesis' diatribe.  
All heads turned. “You going on a date?” asked Zack.  
Sephiroth scowled. “No,” he said curtly. “I'm treating myself to some time alone away from you losers.”  
“Ouch,” said Angeal.  
Sephiroth leaned on the back of the couch, nose still in his phone. “There's a detective movie, a movie about oversized bats eating people, and, I don't know what that is but there's a donut on the cover.”  
Genesis snatched Sephiroth's phone from him. Then, with a grimace he said “You're really looking at movies?”  
Sephiroth plucked the phone back. “Yes,” he grumbled. “Since I'm not dating, I'm treating myself-”  
“You already said that,” said Angeal, sipping his drink.  
“Bears repeating for the thick skulls in the room,” grumbled Sephiroth. Zack frowned, eyes narrowing. He drew out his own phone and began texting.  
“Who you texting?” asked Genesis, miffed that everyone was turning on their phones.  
“Cloud,” said Zack.  
“You know Cloud?” asked Genesis, bolting into a more upright position.  
“Not the same Cloud,” said Sephiroth flatly.  
“Really?” asked Genesis, suspicious.  
“Totally,” said Sephiroth in that monotone drone. His eyes were still on his phone, flicking through the horror flick section.  
“Horror movies are great to cuddle up with people,” said Zack cheerfully. “I'm taking my girl-”  
“Alone,” droned Sephiroth. “Not cuddling with strangers at the movies.”  
Zack groaned. Genesis rolled his eyes. Angeal observed, thinking.

////

“So I've been told that horror flicks are a must for dates,” said Sephiroth to Cloud as they walked side by side into the movie theater. Cloud was wearing a blue t-shirtand jacket, while Sephiroth had his hair up in a loose knot at the back of his head and was wearing black civilian clothes.  
“Because of the cuddling?” asked Cloud with a wry smile.  
“Yes,” said Sephiroth smugly, not bothering to disguise his expression.  
“Now who told you that, I wonder?” Cloud hummed.  
“Zack,” Sephiroth said, completely not cuing in to Cloud's mischievious smile.  
“I knew that, it was rhetorical, he saw us you know. And he's been texting me 'good luck with the movie' all day.”  
“Oh,” said Sephiroth as they neared the ticket counter.  
“Also, apparently you told him we're not dating? He was super worried we were just going to make out and never talk.”  
“Oh Zack,” grumbled Sephiroth, rolling his eyes before stepping up to the counter.  
Once the tickets were bought, they began ambling over towards theater '1B'. Cloud cleared his throat. “So you told everyone we're not dating?”  
Sephiroth spied on Cloud from the corner of his eye. “Is that a problem?”  
“Why?” asked Cloud. “I mean, why'd you lie?”  
Sephiroth pressed his lips together. The entrance to theater 1B was now before them, but they were slowing down. “Well,” he said, all but slowing to a stop. Would it be rude to have a full-blown argument in the middle of a movie? Would that ruin the cuddling opportunities? Certainly to both.  
Cloud yanked Sephiroth out of people's way and parked him beside the flow of people. Then, he just looked up inquisitively at Sephiroth. Sephiroth held up a hand as if trying to deflect the blame. “I just -”  
“You're embarassed of me?” Cloud asked sharply.  
“Oh no!” Sephiroth blurted, causing people nearby to jump and eye them as they scurried on past. Even Cloud startled. Sephiroth lowered his hand. “I just – you don't know Genesis. The nagging, the jokes, the,” he was lost for words to describe the 'love master'.  
But Cloud kind of had a clue. “Oh,” he said. “Drama.”  
“Yes,” said Sephiroth curtly. “Lots of it. I don't want that pressure. I thought we could just have some nice time together and see what goes from there.”  
Cloud nodded. So Sephiroth didn't really see a future for them together. Yet. “Okay,” he said, nodding some more and trying to perk up. “I can do that.”  
Sephiroth relaxed. “Really? Okay, good. Good.”  
Cloud stepped back, glancing over his shoulder at the theater's entrance. “We should go. I think it's about to begin soon.”  
Sephiroth smiled, obviously relieved. The two entered the theater side by side, popcorn and tickets in hand. They found seats rather near the back and settled down.  
After a terrible trailer about donuts and dinosaurs (what the hell?) the horror movie began. Blood spewed energetically across the screen almost instantly.  
“Well that one's a goner,” muttered Sephiroth around his popcorn. Cloud sniggered, munching on popcorn as well. Behind them, a 'too cool for school' teenager shushed them.  
And then shushed them again. And again.  
Because Sephiroth couldn't keep his mouth shut when it came to blood.  
“Oopsies,” when someone accidentally dropped their phone while attempting to dial emergency.  
“Just punch it on the nose!” when the giant bat was trying to eat the main character's brains out.  
By the end of the movie, Cloud was sniggering to himself nonstop and everyone was giving Sephiroth dirty looks. Sephiroth, being Sephiroth, was immune to them and kept muttering on about how terrible the movie was and how could anyoen live after losing that much blood?  
“I mean, realistically,” he said as they rose from their seats while the credits played. “She needed at least three blood transfusions throughout the movie. That's ridiculous!”  
Cloud, still watching the screen, yelped as a giant bat flashed dramatically across the screen, interrupting the quiet drone of the credits. He nearly fell back into his seat, but Sephiroth caught him by the shoulder.  
“Giant bats are coming for you,” chuckled Sephiroth as Cloud straightened his jacket, more than a little embarrassed.  
“Yeah,” grumbled Cloud, turning to leave. But Sephiroth stood in the way, grinning. Cloud raised his eyebrows, poking a finger towards the exit. “That way.”  
Sephiroth glanced around. The theater was now empty. Carefully he cupped a hand behind Cloud's head, so gently he didn't muss the spikes, and he stooped over for a kiss.  
Butterflies rose in Cloud's stomach as their lips met and they kissed sweetly. It lasted just a brief moment, but it brought a smile to Cloud's lips as they seperated. Then, hand in hand, they left the theater.


End file.
